Reflection
by Razer Athane
Summary: ...because face it, losing a heart? It's pretty hard to cope with. -Oneshot-


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Kingdom Hearts.

Author's Note: So this fanfic got entered into a fanfic competition. The deadline was midnight XD Hope I do alright :/ But this is one of two pieces I wrote, and I enjoyed this one so much that I had to post it here. But anyway. Enjoy!

EDIT 07/05/2010: My second entry, "Hero" (Final Fantasy VII), **won **the fanfic competition! Amusing considering I actually consider this the better piece XD

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**REFLECTION**

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The waves are soft and slow. They whisper, sharing dreams and promises from all sorts of times – eons ago, or seconds ago, it doesn't matter. The sounds… are eerie and almost uncertain, unsure of quite what to say and why. But that's how everything is in the Realm of Darkness – murky, sombre, dithering, and just overall _depressing. _It's everything that the Realm of Light isn't – and it's hard to get used to, for me. I'm – or was – more of the optimistic, cocky guy who likes to strut around and think that I'm better than you are.

I've been here for a while now, since I died – or, well, faded away. I remember the place it happened, too – it was so different, so… contrasting to this place. It was coloured. It was populated. It was _interesting, _to say the least, what with the little Nobody symbols spinning around in constant, thin, faint streams. But like everything in life, there's always things that are the same – both places are spacious, and both seemingly go on forever. You could peer out into the horizon, as far as you could possibly see, only to realise that it's just going to keep going and going.

I'm down at the beach today, and as I stand there, with my hands deep in the pockets of my black trench coat, I stare up to the sky, noting the unusual and impromptu absence of the glowing, white orb in the sky – no moon, no stars, just darkness… Since I've been here, that moon's always been up, providing the only light that this Realm has. Since I've been here, I've just wandered around, looking at this and somehow associating a memory with it, touching that and remembering how this related thing feels to it; and I've overall just had a lot of time to reflect on the events that have occurred over the past few years. My thoughts always gravitate, though, to more saddening ones – ones that weigh me down and make me think more than I should.

I remember eating sea-salt ice cream with Roxas and Xion, on the tall, tall clock tower in Twilight Town. I remember laughing with them and encountering this strange, yet familiar feeling in my chest whenever I laughed with them – I think it used to be called joy, it was a nice feeling. I remember Xion leaving, and me always being the one to drag her back, until she wasn't there to chase anymore. I remember Roxas leaving, and that sinking feeling that I get here everyday now was so damn strong – and then I remember trying to get him back continuously, only to fail in the end, because it will _always _be Sora over me or anybody else. That's the way these things work, in all worlds. Me being here, trapped in this ridiculous world… it was for him and all, you know? To stop what the Superior was doing, because while he was aiming for the right thing, he was doing it the wrong way, I guess. Me, rebelling. Ha.

A cold breeze blows through, and to combat the chill swarming up my body, I fold my arms across my chest and break eye contact with that shimmering, small wave over there. I'm looking down at the sand now – it's this weird, grey colour, nothing like the sands back on Destiny Islands – and the water, showing me my reflection, occasionally crawls up closer towards me. Exhaling and forcing my chin closer to my chest, I inevitably think on my friends yet again, because really, even though they're not around anymore, they're the only things that are keeping me sane here. I just kind of wish that one other person was in that circle – that he didn't have a complete change of heart – even though he didn't have one anymore – and didn't turn his back on me.

That neglect, man. It hurt. It shouldn't have, because I don't have a heart, but it did sting.

The memories that hurt me the most are the ones I had when I was Lea, just a kid, with the tall, spiky hair and eccentric fashion sense – those times that I was with Isa, running around and laughing like a little kid should. I remember throwing one of my Frisbees at him once in the Bailey at Radiant Garden, telling him to catch it. He just looked at me blankly, like 'what, you honestly expect me to catch this?' – and he let it fall to his feet. I remember another instant, when I met that Ventus kid – wow he looked so much like Roxas, now that I think back on it – and when I lost to him in that battle, he was just grinning the whole time. That's the Isa I remember, that's the Isa I miss, that's the Isa that I want to remember. Not this heartless beast. Not the cold, unfeeling wall known as Saix.

That's the ambitious person that came with me into Organization XIII. That's the person who came up with this ingenious plan to rule it ourselves, to take it over and to get our own hearts back, no matter the cost – because face it, losing a heart? It's pretty hard to cope with. Everything you made yourself into and everything you believed in goes into your heart, and then it's just taken away. But I digress, he… was the same for a while, but then he started to change, and I still don't understand why. That's why I'm still thinking.

I might've hung out with Roxas and Xion more after Castle Oblivion, but… there was a time where Saix was still my friend. I wish he understood that. I hope he _understands _that, because there's just this feeling inside of me that says he's not dead. But I digress, I'm not the one who changed. He did. At least, I don't think I did… I told him this, and he just glared at me, kind of like the glare I'm giving my black boots right now. That glare only said one thing – 'likewise'.

It's funny… Time moves so slow here, but with every hour or so that passes, it feels like I'm forgetting more. So, I _know_ I sat on that clock tower with my two friends, but I'm forgetting how many times. I know Xion was a replica, but I forgot how I found out. I _know_ when Roxas first joined, he was really spacey, but I forgot what the first thing I taught him was. I _know_ I've eaten a lot, and I mean _a lot _of sea-salt ice cream, both with those two and with Isa… but… I can't even remember the actual_ flavour, _how it tasted on my tongue and all.

What I _do_ remember are the vehement, furious and ferocious glares Saix would give me as I'd walk down the corridors with a smile on my face. What I _do _remember is the frustrated look on Saix's face when I was conversing with Sora at Radiant Garden, and then me vanishing as fast as possible, because there was no way I was going to stick around. What I _do _remember is this look of sheer malevolence given to me when Saix took Kairi from me, planning to use her to manipulate Sora differently to what I would've done. What I do remember is… what I _don't _want to remember.

Being in here for this long… it made me realise something. It is easy to remember your enemies, it's easy to forget your friends. What you really _want _to remember, it… it doesn't always stay, because your hatred and your anger for your enemies just eats you alive. Sadly, that's what's been happening to me. I guess I really do belong here, in the darkness, with my dark clothes and my dark thoughts and my dark deeds. Still… With everyday that passes, even though I forget, I've been slowly redirecting it to _what _I forget; and by default, that's been making me feel just that little bit happier in this gloomy place, and happier in myself, you know?

Because, being here's just such a drag, but I shouldn't feel that way because I don't have a heart. But… I still feel. I can still remember those feelings, I remind myself as I look up and into the everlasting darkness – and those feelings, _my _feelings, even if they're only memories of them, are still real. And, you know, despite probably being trapped here, isolated and alone forever, despite the battles going on in the Realm of Light, despite just _knowing _inside that my life, as it is now, dead but moving and breathing, a stupid juxtaposition – is completely pointless…

I quite like hope.


End file.
